Distance
by Emily111
Summary: What happens when Harm leaves JAG and Mac behind? A story starting out very angsty but with lots of fluff to come Rating change later!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first attempt at a JAG fic.**

**I have written a few stories before, about the fox show "Standoff" (please check them out, even if you don't know the show ;) )**

**I hope you'll like this story, and I hope it isn't too OOC. **

**I would love to hear your thoughts on my writing, anything you can tell me positive or negative will be a huge help!**

Don't forget to review, pleeeease!

**  
Distance: Chapter 1**

Reaching her apartment Mac pulled into her parking space and killed the engine. She didn't get out, didn't move at all. Her body was frozen to the spot, but her mind was going 100 miles an hour.

'He is gone. He left me. I can't believe it's true. What have I done?' She asked herself.

23 minutes later she forced herself to get out of the car. The night sky was clear and the air frosty. A full moon lit up the road. None of this was noticed by Mac, who locked the car and walked towards her apartment in a daze.

She walked up the stairs slowly, unlocked her front door and went inside. She didn't turn on any lights, the darkness suited her mood.

Still wearing her coat and boots she walked to her bedroom and fell on the bed. Several minutes went by in silence, 4 minutes and 23 seconds to be exact. Even in this state of mind her inner clock worked perfectly.

Then suddenly she couldn't hold back any longer. A single tear rolled down her cheek. More soon followed. She started sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. She couldn't stop it, had no power over her body. All she could do was let her tears dry out, get through it somehow.

When her eyes had no more tears to shed, she felt empty. It was like her tears had been the last thing filling her up, and now it was all gone. She curled into a ball, pulling her knees up and hugging them tight to her chest resembling very much a foetal position. She lay like this for hours, not being able to sleep.

Her thoughts went back to that same afternoon. Back to the reason she was now heartbroken.

She had dreaded this day for months. At first she had put it out of her mind, pushed it aside and tried to forget all about it. When the day had come closer and she was unable to avoid it any longer, she had closed down. She had put up a front, pretending everything was fine. She was good at that, she had plenty of practice.

She had even pushed him away, distancing herself from the pain. At first he had ignored it. He had joked with her, spent time with her and acted nothing out of the ordinary. Then two weeks ago he had obviously had enough. Their relationship became awkward and strained. She saw the pain in his eyes when he realised her intentions. She hated herself for causing him pain, but she had no choice. She had to protect her own feelings.

The day had come nevertheless. She had woken up and gotten ready for work like any other day. She had won her case in court and everyone had congratulated her. She had returned their smiles and pretended to be happy, but on the inside she was devastated.

At 16:00 hours a knock on her office door had forced her to face reality.

**Earlier the same day:**

"Mac" a deep voice said.

She looked up and saw Harm leaning against the doorframe. Her door had been open, but she hadn't noticed him standing there, forcing him to knock to get her attention. She didn't know how long he'd been standing there, but the look in his eyes told her that it had been a while. Normally she never minded being admired by Harm, but today it only broke her heart even more.

'How could he look at her that way knowing he was about to leave? How could he give her that charm smile, only meant for her, when he was about to leave her in pieces?' Thinking these thoughts Mac had to use all her strength to keep back the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Mac? Are you ready to go?" Harm asked her.

'Go? Go where? I'm not the one leaving!' She thought, now confused.

"You said you'd drive me to the airport, Mac." Harm continued, noticing her bewildered expression, "I guess I can take a taxi if you're busy…but…"

'But what?' Mac though, 'but you thought you'd torture me just one more time?'

Inside Mac's mind a battle began. Should she do the decent thing and see him off while risking a total break down? Or should she let him down…again…but spare her own feelings?

Looking up at Harm, she saw him looking intensely at her, his eyes begging her to say yes.

She had never been able to say no to him when he looked at her like that.

She gave him a weak smile and answered his request in barely more than a whisper:

"Ok"

**EDIT: How come no-one is reviewing??? Is the story really that bad:( Come on! you know you want to hit that "go" button! It will only take 5 seconds!**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter.**

**Thank you so much those of you who reviewed. **

**All the lurkers out there...PLEASE review ;D it means so much to me...and I know people are reading...more than 500 but only 15 reviews so far :(**

Distance: Chapter 2

A great sense of relief flooded through him. He couldn't say goodbye just yet. He wanted to spend every last minute with her. With Mac. Sarah.

'Why was it again that he was leaving?' He wondered, 'How could he leave behind the love of his life?'

That question had come up many times in the last few months. He had never managed to come up with an answer.

Leaning against her doorframe, admiring her, doubt had once again found its way to his heart. She was so beautiful. She was his best friend, the only person her trusted 100 percent with his life. He had been in love with her for 9 years. How come he couldn't trust her with his heart too?

'It's too late.' He told himself, 'I just have to make these last moments with her perfect. Make them a memory to last a lifetime'

He watched her get up from her chair and walk towards him. Her movements were slow and even though her back was straight and head held high, he could see how insecure she felt.

She stopped in front of him and he couldn't help reach out for her hand, squeezing it tight.

"Lets go" He said gently, leading her out of the office, with his hand resting at her lower back.

He waived a last goodbye to his colleagues and his friends.

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They drove in complete silence.

None of them knew what to say.

Harm watched Mac drive, a determined look on her face. He could see the sorrow in her eyes, but didn't know what to do, what to say, to make her feel better.

He reached for her hand and held it tight. When she tried to pull away he just held on tighter, wanting to feel connected to her for as long as possible.

"Harm…" Mac whispered, obviously trying to object.

"I know. I know" Harm whispered back, his voice was full of emotion, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

He hated himself for hurting her and when he noticed the tears in Mac's eyes he just wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss away the pain.

They reached the airport and Mac found a parking space. They got out and started walking side by side, still not saying a word to each other. Harm couldn't stand the silence anymore and when they reached the elevators, waiting for them to return to their level, Harm turned towards Mac.

"Mac." He said as he reached out for her, "Mac, please talk to me"

Mac took a step back and held up her hands telling him without words not to come near her.

Harm took a step towards her. He couldn't let her pull back.

"Harm, don't!" Mac shouted, shaking her head as if trying to rid her mind of the pain.

"I have to Mac, I'm sorry, but I have to. I can't leave it like this" Harm said as he took one last step towards her and pulled her into his arms.

Mac fought against him, trying to get out of his grasp, but he held on tight.

He ignored her angry shouting, ignored her fists hitting his shoulders and his back. He just held on tight.

Her furious stream of words suddenly stopped and she collapsed against his chest, now sobbing uncontrollably.

Harm felt her arms around his neck now holding on for dear life. He held her even tighter wanting to take away her pain. He started stroking her back, drawing soothing circles with the tips of his fingers.

When her crying finally subsided, he pulled back slightly to look at her. The broken look in Mac's eyes tore his heart in pieces.

He reached up and cupped her face with his hands. His fingers stroked her cheeks wiping away her tears.

He looked into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

He leaned his forehead against hers.

He could hear her heavy breathing matching his own.

Their lips were barely an inch apart.

Unable to wait another second he crushed his mouth against hers. His fingers entangled in her hair he pulled her closer.

The kiss started out fiery and forceful. Their tongues fought for dominance. After a while though, they slowed down and the kiss changed. It became softer, passionate in a very different way. In a gentle loving way. All of their sorrow and pain shone through in that kiss. It told a story none of them were able to tell in words.

They finally pulled back. They didn't want the kiss to end, but they both knew it had to.

Harm kissed away the fresh tears falling from Mac's eyes before pulling her against him in another tight hug. They clung to each other desperately.

"Mac," Harm whispered in her ear, "Mac, you have no idea how much I want to take you home and never let you go"

He felt her embrace tighten at his words and if possible hugged her even tighter.

"I don't want to leave you Mac. You have to believe me. I have no choice." Harm continued, wanting to somehow explain to her how much his departure was killing him.

"I know" He heard her whisper.


End file.
